Camp Typical

Summer vacation is upon us.  And it’s new for us this year.  See, since Ben got mainstreamed, he no longer qualifies for ESY (extended school year or SUMMER SCHOOL).  And everyone around us–therapists and the like nod their head and say, yeah, that’s best.

BEST FOR WHOM?

seriously–what was the point of these again?

As you can imagine,I am getting a little punchy already. I didn’t set up Ben for any day camps because he’d never been to one, and I had never seen how fricken EXPENSIVE they are.  Also, he still has at home therapy 3x a week, meaning we would have had to cancel sessions to make time for camp, and I thought the therapy more important than making God’s eyes and other faith based crafts.

As you can see, I have very little confidence in day camps, having spent an eternity in them as a child.

So I figured, HEY!  I have multiple degrees and an educational credential!  AND, I can craft like a muthafucka (I really need to put that on a t-shirt) I can ROCK summer vacay yo!

Here’s some of the Summer line up that would kick any church day camp’s ASS…

1) Chore time party

This summer, we’ve introduced CHORE TIME!  woohoo!  Making beds!  picking up toys!  brushing teeth!  What kid WOULDN’T want to get nagged all day to get their chores done? Like those little imps at Camp Tom Sawyer, this kid is gonna learn the value of doing the work ASSIGNED to you, so that even spinster Aunts can appreciate it. And with no other kids around, there won’t be some bait and switch like Tom pulled on ol’ Huck.  No Sir.  And pick up that sock!

it’s SO EXHAUSTING to enjoy a lovely garden.

2) Gardening!

Camp always comes with a chance to get back to nature!  Here at Camp Typical not only can you water plants regularly, twice on the really hot days, but you can pick up dog poop as a bonus!  You might even get an opportunity to view some of the local wildlife, like squirrels and crows!  And what summer vacay wouldn’t be complete without a bevy of bug bites and bee stings!  Take THAT  Zoo Camp!

3) Brain Expansion

Just because we’re not in school doesn’t mean our work is done!  Why, we have the Summer Vacation Homework packet to prepare for 1st grade math!  I mean, can you think of anything MORE fun than adding by tens?  I know I’m stacking up dimes in anticipation. And of course the summer reading program as well, with multiple trips to the library where one enforces rules like “calm body!” and “inside voice!”  SO much more fun than some stupid Science Camp!

4) Field Trips

Camp wouldn’t be camp without field trips!  Here at camp typical, we go to many exciting places here in the Los Angeles area.  Sure, we could go to Disney or LACMA or the Science center to see the Space shuttle–but how boring is THAT?  Oh no brave campers!  Get ready for the excitement of hitting the local Ralphs and Target!  Perhaps the garden center to replace the waterlogged plants being so zealously attended to.  We might even brave the parking lot from hell that is known as Trader Joe’s!  Adventure awaits intrepid campers!

5) Water play

What summer would be complete without a splash or two?  While the pool and the new water park/playland sprinkler thing/whatever the hell they call those devil playgrounds are fun for most kids, we’ve got it going ON here at Camp Typical.  Have you seen this hose?  HOURS of fun.  Not to mention a great time to develop independent play while mommy watches from the dry interior of the house.  Who needs sprinklers and slip-n-slides?  Why a hose and a tricycle and a frightened Chihuahua are enough to keep any child busy for hours on end.  And as a bonus, did I mention the wrestling fun of applying sunscreen before he heads outside?

6) Craft time.

Have i mention my crafting skills?  Legendary.  I don’t know why camp counselors are not sitting at my feet to learn from the master. We’ve got googly eyes and pom poms by the zillions.  And glue.  Five different varieties.  And a box of craft sticks waiting for their chance at faux Eiffel tower recreation.  Now just sit there with those items, son, while mommy scours Pinterest for a minute…

As you can see, we here at Camp Typical are ready to create a lifetime of summertime memories.  So that when the first day of school approaches in August, he will be SCREAMING to go back. Try not to be jealous fellow Special needs moms when you put your kids on the bus and enjoy a few quiet moments to yourself today…

*sobs in the corner*

When does school start again?

Categories: Autism, parenting, Sensory issues, Snark | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Camp Typical

  1. My preschool-aged son only qualifies for 150 minutes of speech therapy through ESY.
    He’s mostly nonverbal. Makes sense to me!
    The same thing happened last summer (only with 250 minutes of speech therapy), so I had to piece together stuff that would create routines for my son. We toyed with the idea of putting him into day care this summer, but since my husband is a stay at home parent, we couldn’t justify the (or afford) the expense.
    Honestly, my little guy is doing fairly well with the structure we’ve made up, but I just wish there were more options. As it is, we drive 110 miles a week to get my son three hours of occupational therapy/sensory play. That ends in three weeks and leaves a month without that or library story time before school resumes.
    Let me know what you find on Pinterest . . . ;)

  2. where the hell were you when we were looking at ESY options???

  3. Where do I sign them up?!

  4. Hell, can *I* come be a camper? Even gardening and chores beats spending the summer in my roach-infested office.

    • only if you bring your own camp counselor. and a large deposit. I will accept payment in rum.

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