The Anti-Bucket List

So, I’m a Pinterest whore.  This is not a mystery.  Pinterest is like porn for a crafter.  But not only are awesomely simple and amazingly beautiful craft links (on which I will never follow through) available, there are also funny pics, words of wisdom, wedding ideas, –pretty much anything a gal would want to spend hours poring over in the middle of the night.  So yeah–you guys have big titty girls and I have Prada bags and how to make your own febreeze. 3am is calling.

Anywhores, I’ve seen this trend of people posting their bucket list ideas–actually someone ELSE’S bucket list ideas that they saw and went, “yeah, I wanna do that TOO!” –never planning to jump out of a plane or climb Everest, but wanting to seem cool to all their followers.

Well–this crap has been clogging up my boards, and its annoying me.

See, I’ve never been a fan of bucket lists.  I mean, if you wanna do something, do it.  Why make a list?  Then your bucket list includes:  Do all things on my bucket list–and it becomes this circular thing.

Here’s an idea: LIVE.

That said, however, all this attention to silly things one does before they die has made me keenly aware that there are a number of things I would NOT want to do before I die.  So as a personal reminder to myself, and possibly others, I give you Anti-Bucket List:

Before I die, I hope to never:

1.  Attend a Justin Bieber/Katy Perry/[insert annoying teen pop artist here] concert.  Not at least without doing acid.

2.  Be burned at the stake

3.  Enter a career in waste management

4.  Inseminate pigs–EVEN for the sake of more bacon.

5.  Contract dysentary.  In a third world country.

6.  Vote Republican

7.  Eat a local delicacy.  ANYWHERE.

8. Base Jump or any activity involving jumping off a perfectly good bridge/building/hydroelectric dam.  It isn’t that i am not a “thrill seeker”–i am just not much of a “life-risker.”

9.  Breed champion African violets.

10. Sell anything door to door or at a card table outside of Ralphs.

11.  Get circumsized

12.  Get a full face tattoo.(this does NOT include getting matching face tattoos with Mike Tyson–cause that sounds kinda cool.)

13. Practice world champion streaking in Barrow Alaska

14.  Work in a fiberglass factory

15.  Proselytize door to door. (see #10)

16.  Help a stranger wipe.

17.  Organize and videotape an orgy at the local senior center.

18. Produce Gweneth Paltrow’s next album:  Duets with Snookie

19.  EVER watch an “auditions” episode of American Idol.

20.  Deal with any asshat who has zero empathy.

That’s just my top 20, really.  Lord knows if i sat on the toilet long enough thought more about it, i could come up with a dozen more.  But this list ought to keep me out of trouble for now.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Categories: Mama Kat's writing workshop, Snark | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “The Anti-Bucket List

  1. I personally don’t have a bucket list either. I’ve always just associated them with old people.

  2. Oh, those are all awesome, especially #6!

    I don’t have a bucket list either, because the first thing on it would be to rob a bank so I’d have enough money to do the other things on the list, and you can just see the downward spiral there.

    So, would you really let bacon just die out? You know, if it came to that?

  3. Very interesting…

  4. That’s an awesome list! I would add cleaning up stranger’s bodily fluid mess like puke or blood.

  5. *gasp* Help a stranger wipe… *GASP*

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