I’ll admit. Father’s day never really meant much to me.
Back story: I’ve never met my father. Long story short–he was 18, my mom 20, and he was obviously ill prepared for fatherhood and the responsibilities that lay therein. So my mom left when i was a wee larvae, and later, when given the chance, my father decided it would be better to not know me and broke all ties.
Sure–i thought about finding him from time to time–usually around major moments in life–but eventually that curiosity kinda wore off. I mean, whatever his reasoning, i just know that if i had a friend who made the same decision my father made, I’d lose all respect for him. COnsider him spineless. QUestion his ownership of testicles.
Now this isn’t to say i sit about and just hate on the man. I mean, I don’t even know him. Hating him would be a waste of energy. (and trust me–it too a LOOOOOOOONG time to come to that realization.) Forgiveness has a way of sneaking up on you–but you are always the better for it.
But no–this post still isn’t about him. I’m sure he has a family somewhere, gifiting him with ugly ties or ratchet sets, and g-d bless them all for it. But my concern today isn’t about him.
It’s about this guy. Father of my child. The one who is teaching me daily what it means to be a father. It isn’t perfect (unlike my own motherhood! HAH!) but he has shown my son the tenderness, patience, excitement, generosity of spirit that i never knew from a man as a child. (Yes, i had a grandpa, and yes he was wonderful, but he wasn’t my father, and i never saw him as such) Sure, there are times when i think–what the fuck is he doing? But i’ve learned to let it go, because Ben’s relationship with him is different than Ben’s relationship with me, and having never known what it’s like to have a dad, i have to stop and remember that sometimes daddy’s gonna do things different. and its ok. And that we are a partnership. And that i have to learn how that works every day.
I suppose in some ways it’s good i never had a dad. Because then i have nothing to compare him to, and that leaves him free to just be a dad–the way he wants to. And we’re all the better for it.
Happy Father’s day Petey. Love you.