Hater Humpday 5/18/11

Since yesterday was a rainy “Humboldt-y” kind of day, i found myself reminiscing on ye olde college days in Northern California. you know–where is rains 99% of the time? I know Jillsmo can feel me.

And as i looked back fondly on those halcyon days, i also remembered the things i hated about Northern California. So i thought this week i’d issue my “its NOT all good, bro”, or “why i don’t live in NoCal” edition of Hater Humpday.

I hate(d):

1. MOLD.
In a moist climate, it’s EVERYWHERE. If you don’t wipe your entire house down with bleach, DAILY, it will take over anything that isn’t moving. Burners beware.

2. SLUGS.
Everyday i would wake up to find 3-5 slugs just hangin out in my sink, like it was Club Med. And unlike snails, you can’t pick these lil fuckers up by their shells to chuck them outside. Oh no. You have to either TOUCH THEM (ew) or destroy them with beer or salt (EW!)
No wonder i was thinner up there–i lost my breakfast daily over these disgusting creatures. What is their purpose again?

3. Self-righteous hippies.
Now, i’m not talking about cool old ladies who wear flowy garments, create art and hung out in the Haite before it was cool to hang out in the Haite. These ladies are top notch in my book, and usually the most easy-going cats you can meet. No. I’m talking about the self righteous skanks who look down their nose at you because you just ate a conventional strawberry and *gasp* bottle feed your baby! Listen, honey. Just because you don’t wear a bra or shave your legs doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch to people. And here’s a bit of advice–if your hair won’t dreadlock naturally, then it’s looks STUPID when you make it do so with chemicals and crap. In fact, you could use a little time with those ladies i spoke of earlier. They’d settle you down quick.

4. RAIN.
When i first arrived in Humboldt county, it rained 100 days straight. And it’s never warm. A hot day there is @70 degrees. big whoop.

5. Passive Aggressive judgemental bullshit.
I know–this kinda goes with #3, but it’s a little different. I noticed during my time in the emerald triangle that a number of the people up there that think they are somehow better than those of us down here. It’s ok–ill admit alot of people here suck. no question. But guess what–that ratio is pretty much the same everywhere. Being surrounded by trees doesn’t make you better–just makes it easier to breathe.

SO there you have it. The five main reasons i left the moist climes of Humboldt county to develop asthma here in sunny Los Angeles. Did i mention it is sunny here? Because of the sun.